BlackBerry Jam in verse

A very creative reader submitted this marvelous Dr. Seuss-inspired recap of our Boy Governor's BlackBerry Jam. Read. Enjoy.

State workers were gloomy and all filled with dread
That higher health premiums would soon rear their heads.
The teachers were angry, all milling about,
Then someone would call, “Let’s throw the bums out!”

The senators and reps were filled with false cheer,
“Deficit, schmeficit, we’ll pay it next year.”
Judge Graham’s grand jury was eyeing with ire
The Capitol Gang, who was playing with fire.

The Boy Governor, The BG, the Republican’s guy
Watched the hoopla with a glint in his eye.
“I’ll fix this”, he thought, with a nod and a wink
“When I get through they won’t know what to think.”

“My boy needs a job; my girl, a career!”
The county folks cried while bending his ear.
“No problem,” said BG, “Let me make a call
“There are lots of jobs, plenty for all!”

Democrats out and Republicans in!
Some who are faithful and some who are kin.
They voted and voted to help to elect
The BG, and now they’d come to collect.

“Demote Dems, or make them retire
“The ones who won’t go, we’ll just have to fire.
“Get jobs for our friends and make no excuse
“While we clean up the waste, fraud and abuse.”

This friend of the Prez, a pal of McConnell’s
Was flipping state jobs like Big Macs at McDonalds.
Then indictments started to fall with a bang
And things looked grim for The Capitol Gang.

“Relax”, said the Gov, “I’ve got lots of gall.
“I’ll just pardon you, pardon you all!”
“Go, you conspirators, go and be free,
“I’ll pardon everyone here…but me.”

The grand jury found BG was not right,
And there, one and all, they moved to indict.
Discrimination, misconduct, conspiracy fun!
Misdemeanors they listed, three, two and one.

Stumbo was set down, and Hart was recused,
Steve Pence said “Boys, I’ll be going, too.
“The job here is fine, the office is nice,
“But running with BG? No way and no dice!”

Governor Ernie felt like a train wreck,
In a BlackBerry Jam, right up to his neck.
The Republican Party was under the gun
To find a new candidate, someone to run.

“But wait”, said the lawyers, “there is a bright spot!”
“Melcher’s the judge, the judge that we’ve got!
“He cut loose old Nighbert, set him free as a bird.
“We’ll get you out of this, Gov, we give you our word!”

The old wheels of Justice do surely turn slow
But they grind us all fairly, the high and the low.
Everyone speaks and is heard; that is fair,
Unless you sit in the Governor’s chair.

Judge Melcher ruled way beyond his reach
Boy Governor can be tried, but must first be impeached.
“Forget that indictment by a group of your peers.
There won’t be a trial, now get out of here!”

The Gov’nor and Stumbo met on poor terms.
“So much for watching you wiggle and squirm.
You can admit just a little, though you did a lot!”
Said Stumbo, smiling that smile that he’s got.

Shaken and scared from the shock and the fright
Ol’ Ernie admitted no wrongs, but not right.
“Maybe I can still fill my term, as allotted.”
So the Boy Gov, he signed on the line that is dotted.

The Grand Jury Report was still tied up in court
With appeals to file and objections to sort.
BG said, “Jam this until next autumn,
By election time this may all be forgotten!”

But Judge Rhorer stopped that with a wave of his hand
“The Report shall be read throughout the land!”
The Report said the lies were thick as the leaves
And The Capitol Gang were all thick as thieves.

“Balderdash!” said the Gov, with a smirk and a sneer
Of the judicial efforts from a jury of peers.
“It’s a Democrat rip job! It’s just a big hack!
I can almost feel the knife in my back!”

“The Yellow Dogs don’t even have a contender.
“So far there are just fakes and pretenders.
“But me“, said Ernie, wiping egg from his face,
“I’m still the guy to beat in the race.”

The Boy Governor, The BG, the Republican’s guy
Watched the hoopla with a glint in his eye.
“I’ll fix them”, he thought, with a nod and a wink
“When I get through they won’t know what to think.”

Comments

[Chris]

I would say that is a fantastic poem. I wonder if they could make that into a song, so we can blast on the radio.